Saturday, June 16, 2012

Lost & Found


"I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then." - Alice in Wonderland

After a long hiatus, I'm (presumably) back. To be honest, it started feeling a little weird without the comforts of this blog. There are a few reasons (we always have something or the other) that have kept me in the wilderness. Firstly, a new job has forced me to spend more time at work and the commute is longer as well. Secondly (and most importantly), I don't have access to my blog at work (with due respect to my previous employers :D). So when I feel like blogging, I don't feel the surge of creativity. And when I get into the mood (usually while riding the bike), I can't pen it down. Finally, when push came to shove, I donned my headphones, added my favourite songs to the playlist and started.

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club." ~ Jack London

So what do I write about?
a. My new job encompassed in the garden of Eden
b. The tale of my cellphone usage (Addict to allergic)
c. A new Indian president, rising inflation costs, a swooning GDP or the damned petrol hikes.
d. None of the above.

I decided to get on a time machine and travel back to the past

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“Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up.”

     The idea is far-fetched, but I felt that it would make sense to screen a movie on my blog. So, sit back, relax and watch the screen flicker as the reel is on the move.
(1984 - Present)
Do I like the letter "F"? Yes, when it stands for Football, Friendships & F**K (I meant Facebook, though the number of stars weren't matching). It makes me uneasy when it stands for Fail, Failed & Failure.

I was 7, and forgot my part in a play when my teacher termed me a failure. I caught up with stage fright, and it took me almost half-a-dozen years to get my confidence back. In my 6th grade, an F was introduced to my scorecard for the first time (in Malayalam - straight-faced, Humbug!). I never took a liking to Malayalam after that, and within a year moved it out of my languages (I took a second English, most called it "Special" English, I termed it "Additional English"). When I reached 11th grade, I misinterpreted the exam timetable for the internals and studied Physics for the Chemistry exam. The exam was a disaster, and another "F" adorned my grades (Quite surprisingly, I failed the Physics exam as well). In the sidelines, I gave up TT (my all-time favourite sport) after breaking a TT table.

During the first year of Engineering, I couldn't comprehend with Electrical Engineering and gave up studying the subject. It wasn't surprising when most of the class failed in EE, but my Chemistry followed suit (let's admit, it was never part of my platter, that organic, inorganic crap). As the tears dried, I decided that it would have to be "Faimuse es qot en oktiom" (without realising it meant "failure was not an option").

It didn't take a lot of einsteinesque efforts for people to term me a failure. My college principal spoke to my parents and conveyed the fact that I was among the bottom ten of the college. And sinking in the trauma of supplementary exams, I actually wondered if I was a failure.


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1 comment:

  1. waiting for the turn around reduce the intermission time plzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    ReplyDelete