Tale of a degree

     "You can be obsessed by remorse all your life, not because you chose the wrong thing-- you can always repent, atone : but because you never had the chance to prove to yourself that you would have chosen the right thing. " - Umberto Eco, "Foucault's Pendulum"

     A lot of people are pleasantly surprised (read shocked) when I inform them of my engineering degree. For those who don't know what I do, I smuggle drugs and weapons into Eastern African countries (meant to be a joke, please don't report me). I'm a recruitment consultant (like the sound of it). I used to recruit candidates in the US for big American companies, the likes of Microsoft, Accenture and IBM. And when people question my shift in loyalties from engineering to management, I have my answer ready, like instant payasam. Well not exactly like instant payasam. I wasn't good at what I did. So i moved to something that might be better.

     I am a total dud. It took me 6 years to complete my engineering. And I ensured that the University had to evaluate an additional 44 answer sheets (apart from the 48 regular ones, of course). But after working for the last 4 years, I do console myself that it was the University's failure to reckon with my intelligence (stifling laughter). I joined the league of great men like Gandhi and Abraham Lincoln having spend nights studying in the faded lamps of railway coaches (history never spoke about their arrears/supplementary exams). Most others would have been embarassed when their fellow classmates donned the role of invigilators in the same college. But I wasn't ready to give in.

    The University had let me down when it mattered, and I wanted revenge, cold-blooded revenge. I took my yearly quota of leaves and ensured that I wrote every single exam the university conducted. The university tried their lowly-lying cheap tricks to deter me from my mission. The question papers got easier, but I persisted. And eventually they bent their knees and folded their arms in prayer. And like the mighty Gods, I granted them their freedom.

     This was two years back. Ever since I've been on the run again. To get my money's worth of education, the quest for the holy grail. For those who are familiar with a sick university in Kerala (namely University of Calicut), a degree is like a Karan Johar flick. A lot of emotion, drama and eventually there's nothing much in it. I applied for my provisional certificate 18 months back and after pushing around with my contacts (F company - before RGV gets there) in the University, I managed to get it. So I went ahead and submitted the application for my final year certificate, the laminated sheet of paper that turned up in my nightmares. I decided to opt for the fast track option (you would have to pay higher and wouldn't get anything better) and paid a Golden Gandhi.

     6 months later. I received a memo from the University that they had lost some of the documents that I sent them (thankfully those weren't originals, and they didn't admit they lost it). The memo said that if we didn't respond within the following week, the application would be rejected without further notice. And like Murphy would have it, I wasn't around to reply in time. When I got back a couple of months later, all that was left was a new application form and another 200 bucks.

     6 months later. I decided that enough was enough. Yours truly got to the University to set things straight. I approached the person in charge of the degree certificates and he had no idea of the whole matter. A couple of phone calls later, he seemed to have got the gist of affairs. I was sent to the postal department to figure out the delivery date of my application form. After a lot of chaos and confusion, the problem was figured. I wasn't supposed to send a new application form the second time around (as the lady remarked, "it said your application would be rejected. We didn't ask you to apply again."). So they've assured me that I would get it within 3 weeks. And the wait goes on. Maybe I should have gone with my heart and enrolled for a Bachelors in Arts. Someday I might get my shot to even out things with the University. Till then, like George Orwell mentioned in "1984", Big Brother is watching.